A constant, and very understandable, source of worry for older generations is the social morals of younger people. So, the recent statistical data about the difference in generational attitudes toward divorce is quite ironic.
A study entitled “Generation Gap in Values, Behaviors,” undertaken by the Pew Research Center, reveals some interesting things about how the generations view divorce. On the question of how readily people should dissolve their marriages, the younger a person is the more conservative their views are. Consider the answers given to the following question:
| Food for Thought:
The other day I was asked a question that I have been asked on many occassions. Someone wanted to know whether or not I believe that there is life on other planets. My standard answer to this question is that I am an agnostic about the question. I just don’t know. Sometimes that answer irritates the person asking me, if they happen to believe that there must be life on other planets. When that happens I am inevitably asked why God would have created so much wasted space, if Earth is the only planet with life on it. My reply is very simple. First, I simply remind them that I did not deny that there could be life on other planets. Rather, I am witholding judgement until I have more evidence. Secondly, I ask them a question. Why do you say that the universe has so much wasted space? How much space is needed to create life and creatures who bear God’s image and have free will and rationality? Since we don’t know the answer to that question, we can’t say that a universe the size of the one we have has any “wasted space.” Maybe its just the right size for God’s purposes. The third question I ask is this: If God is omnipotent and infinite, so that nothing is hard for God and nothing is small or large in God’s eyes, then God could never be accused of not being efficient enough and wasting space. Then finally I ask them about the human imagination and mind. Given the nearly insatiable appetite for knowledge and the nearly unlimited capacity for creativity and exploration that our mind’s have, how big a universe would it take to satiate human beings’ capacity for wonder and awe? I think it takes one exactly the size that God made for us. Perhaps there is life on other planets. But whether there is or not, God is the one that the universe we have should cause us to seek. Then when you think about how truly enormous the universe is in comparison to us, the claim of the Christian faith which tells us God loves us is even more amazing. “God so loved the world (the Greek word is actually cosmos, which means universe) that he gave his only begotten Son, that who so ever believes in Him, might not perish but have eternal life.” |
“Should (divorce) be avoided except in an extreme situation, or (is divorce) preferable to maintaining an unhappy marriage?”
A scant, but unsurprising, 30% of Baby Boomers believe that an unhappy marriage (short of “extreme” factors) is a better option than is a divorce. While that might not surprise too many folks, the fact that only 32% of those over 65 thought divorce should be avoided in all by the most dire situations might be a bit of an eye-opener. But, when you think about it the fact that these two demographic generational groups are so close in their opinions is not all that surprising.
These are the generations that created the concept of “no-fault” marriage termination. That puts the whole issue of marriage and divorce in a different light than in previous generations. While we want to avoid being unkind to persons who have experienced divorce, as soon as “no-fault” became the attitude about ending a marriage, then marriage could begin to be seen as merely a kind of agreed arrangement that people enter into. No longer would it be thought of as a sacred covenant.
No wonder Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse has stated that the Boomers and the generation just prior to the them “institutionalized the Divorce Revolution.” The post WWII adult generation may have created the concept of no-fault divorce, but once it was in place the Boomers honed it to a fine art.
However, younger generations do not find enthusiasm about easy divorce to be quite the lesser of “two evils.” Among those between the ages of 18 and 29, nearly one-half (45%) believe divorce should be avoided except as a final and regrettable resort. For those born after 1960 but before 1977– the Baby Boomer kid siblings and their first offspring 42% think divorce should be avoided.
While these numbers still represent minorities, they are significant ones. The reason for this difference of opinion is obvious. The younger generations are those who have had to live in the aftermath of broken families as children. In another table of the same study entitled “Who’s Been Divorced: A Profile,” we discover that 45% of Baby Boomers — the parents of the 18 – 29 year-olds in America — have been divorced. Of course, a statistician would caution me not to draw too quick a conclusion, but even cautiously it is telling that 45% of young adults think divorce should be avoided and close to 45% of young adults come from broken homes.
Whereas the over-65 crowd and the Boomers were by and large the recipients of the stability that non-broken homes provide to kids, their own children were not. I cannot tell you how many times, when I speak to younger audiences, I am deluged by stories about how hurt or, at least, deeply regretful young men and women are about their parents divorces. I hear stories of tensions with step-siblings and step-parents; of humiliations as mom or dad paraded a string of boy-friends or girl-friends through their home; of the confusion these young people lived with as each parent would attempt to sabotage the child’s relationship with the other. This summer in my travels I have encountered some of it, in fact.
Here’s a thought, however. Perhaps the dismay and disgust that so many of these young adults feel about broken marriage vows and the pain they have experienced provides a platform to share the Christian witness about God’s ideas of marriage. Could it be that as we begin the 21st century that the truth of Christian faith might find willing and hunger minds and hearts in this generation. Could something so basic as the innate human desire for a stable family become an opportunity for sharing God’s truth? The answer is yes!
In our holy faith, marriage has a central place of honor. It is not any accident that in the Old Testament idolatry (having another god) is compared to adultery (having another lover). On the basis of that analogy, the Apostle Paul builds an even stronger theological case for marriage. Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he proclaims that the relationship between a Christian husband and wife is an image of the relationship between Christ and the Church. (Talk about a truly holy significance!)
We have an opportunity to declare to the rising generation that God agrees with them in their assessment of the tragedy of easy, no-fault divorces. In fact, we might even declare to them that the reason they feel the way they do is because they are made in God’s own image. We might find ways to urge them (especially those who are of college age) to explore the Christian claims about what being bearers of God’s image means for our lives. And we need to realize that the culture we live in wants to wrench or wear this sensitivity out of them.
However, we face a great challenge. In the Christian church the percentage of protestants who walk away from marriage is close to the same as the general culture. While being sensitive to those who have been divorced, we still have to acknowledge that this, of course, makes our claims about God’s will and purposes for marriage sound hollow in the ears of young people. Even more disturbing to me was the finding in the Pew report that among evangelical Christians 54% declared that they believed that it was better for children for a divorce to occur than for an unhappy marriage to be the context of the children’s lives.
Could it be that Christians have forgotten more than God’s own teaching about divorce? Have we bought into the idea that the only options in life are “unhappy marriage” or “divorce?” Might we not need to consider that the greatest gift we could give to a culture is the idea that God’s grace can actually change people’s lives? If we could recapture this Christian truth, then we could return to teaching a very basic Christian doctrine — “those whom God has joined together, let no one separate.”
The sanctity of marriage proclaimed with great joy from our pulpits along with churches getting serious about helping people to have vital, vibrant and fulfilling marriages might just be one of the most radical gifts the Christian church could give to the rising generation. Who knows, it might even bring revival. If somehow we could get really serious about helping people not just stay married, but discover that there is a joy in following Christ in one’s marriage. When a man and a woman learn that changing and adapting is a way of growing as a person and that growth in married life together is required of us in a loving and faithful marriage.
For that change of perspective to happen we will have to hear the Gospel’s message of God’s love and believe that God’s love IN us can become the motivating love of our lives. We will need something more than a Gospel that announces to us that God will forgive us all our sins. That is true, of course, but the full Gospel message is that the God who forgives us can also refashion our lives and hearts and character in to the gracious, loving and reconciling image of his dear Son, Jesus Christ.
Perhaps that is where each of us can begin, praying that God will make us the kind of people who keep our vows, who really share our lives, who fully embrace the challenges that relationships bring, and who are unafraid to change. Those kinds of lives become living examples of the Good News. Then the rising generation might believe that the Gospel really does provide what they are looking for.